When to become intimate dating
Here are 20 suggestions from 20 relationship counselors, dating and life coaches, psychologists, a matchmaker and many others.Share something personal, and this may inspire your partner to do the same, in an I'll-show-you-mine, you-show-me-yours situation.Even if things don't go exactly that way, opening up can only foster intimacy, dating, relationship and lifestyle expert Steven Ward tells Bustle."Intimacy, by definition, is shared secret knowledge," he says." This can spark a connected conversation — but only if you're willing to do the legwork too."You have to be willing to be open and honest, and the partner has to be willing to grant and try what they share," she says."If this can be done without either party made to feel awkward, and the episode is enjoyable, more conversations like this are likely to take place, and intimacy can grow between the two of you.""Fantasy" in this context doesn't have to read in any particular way; rather, discussing fantasy can lead to a conversation about life, love, money, career, the future — really, the possibilities are endless. "The conversation should go both ways, meaning you should mutually be discussing and fulfilling the other's wants and needs.""A great way to build intimacy is expressing gratitude for something thoughtful your partner did that day," Samantha Burns, relationship counselor and dating coach, tells Bustle.
"You can then ask them about the same subject in turn," says Ward.
"Sharing those feelings and seeing your partner as that kid, either sad or happy, can evoke deep feelings and connections with each other."To sidle up next to your partner emotionally, talk about the things you have seen your partner do to grow. "Each partner shares one new thing that they have noticed that their partner has been working on to improve themselves and/or the relationship," Carlyle Jansen, author of Author, Sex Yourself: The Woman’s Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms , tells Bustle. In the course of discussion, tell your partner one thing that you "have been reluctant to bring up, and why," and ask them to do the same, Jansen says.
There are plenty of reasons one might not broach certain subjects — Jansen lists a few, such as "fear of being petty, repeating oneself, rejection, judgement," and the like — but if you and your love give each other permission to talk about anything, then everything is fair game (as long as it is healthy, rational and reasonable). "A basic tenet of solid relationships is really listening to each other, and I've found that putting my phone down, turning off the television and simply saying to my significant other, "Tell me things," has really strengthened our bond," Danielle Sepulveres, sex educator and author of Losing It: The Semi-Scandalous Story of an Ex-Virgin, tells Bustle."Focusing your attention on each other in such a basic way just leads to greater trust and communication," she says.
"What this means is that while your partner is in your life, you want to be a good host to them, helping them to achieve their goals and dreams, rather than focusing on what you want from them."Eschewing selfishness as a route to intimacy: Yes to that.
"In order to be the best host, you need to know what it is your partner truly wants in life," says Lindgren.
This may sound incredibly boring, but, as she points out, "most people don’t approach this topic because they think it’s unpleasant, but the reality is, it’s a way to learn the depths of your love and how you want to take care of each other if life throws you a curve ball." Wait, that's really sweet. "Estate plans aren’t just about death — they’re about what happens if you’re incapacitated temporarily or permanently, and they allow you to focus on each other and the future," she says.